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It is official! Guys are insufferable, dim-witted, thick skulled cretins that deserve a few sessions of shock therapy to open new neural pathways so that they may for the first time in their lives do the unthinkable… THINK.

While you might think I am stereotyping and being incredibly rude and horrid to the male species… I can guarantee you that I am NOT. Far too many years interacting with them on every level possible has led me to this conclusion.  It is undeniable and there is no escape. Men are insufferable when asked to think.

I sometimes wonder how it is possible that they are incapable of reading even the most obvious signs and signals. Fair enough, we women do play things a little difficult. We say things in a very roundabout way, we hate saying how we truly feel and we love going with the “You can do what you like” option. Really though, after thousands of years of civilization you are telling me that men have in no way evolved to the level where they have adapted to understanding us? This can't be possible.

Based on the number of jokes made regarding this very aspect you think men would learn. Many a truth is said in jest my dear, so open up your goddamn eyes and realise that there is a lot behind our offhand behaviour and apparent okay-ness. We are hurt and lost and confused and your obvious inability to see this despite being raised by a woman just makes things worse.

Sometimes I am of the opinion that appearing stupid by nature serves men in the sense that they don't have to deal with the repercussions of their actions. They just pass it off as “we are guys” or “you women are complicated” when in actual fact they are just avoiding the inescapable truth.

More times than not, we end up far more damaged and hurt. Gosh! Just grow a pair and realise we are afraid of losing you. We care, we love and we can't help but fall apart when you don't realise just how much you are hurting us. We aren't made of stone for heaven's sake.

I am seriously of the opinion that men may need to inject themselves with a little oestrogen from time to time to counteract the obvious detrimental effects of testosterone overdose on their brain cells. It makes them incapable of thinking beyond the dangling contraption of all things pleasurable that resides between their legs. Honestly, I think the vast amount of their brain power goes towards the utilisation of it and whatever little remains is overridden with sports and food.

If ever they spend any of their neural cells in contemplating their relationship toward us it will be a miracle. In layman’s terms… it is impossible. Not improbable, which would imply it could come to be, but impossible.

In the meantime, to all the women out there trying desperately to make him realise the most obvious of sentiments my advice is to not only articulate reeeaaalllyyyy slooooowwwwllllyyyy but to gesticulate, possibly learn sign language, invest in a huge poster and maybe even employ some skywriting.

If he still doesn’t realise he is being a douche consider homosexuality. At least we understand each other.