Consumed with sleep I replied to a message from a friend. However this reply ended up containing a word so loaded with trinitrotoluene it was bound to explode.I used the forbidden word. I called him “baby”. Naturally I was in such a deep state of REM sleep that I am absolutely not to be blamed for the actions of my subconscious. Yet every time I find myself in his company, I am constantly bombarded by a wide variety of insinuations and references to my momentary lapse in judgement.
Naturally I ended up wondering as to the nomenclature of affection. Sure, I understand why we call lovers “honey”. I mean it isn’t every day you get the chance to role play Winnie the Pooh and stick your fingers (or hand, though anatomically impossible) into the honey pot- if you know what I mean. Sweetheart, love, darling, and cuteness- they all make sense. However, a few definitely leave me wondering as to what was going through someone’s mind when first they used it.
When first a friend told me about “hunny bear” (note the audacious spelling) I laughed so hard at the apparent joke until it sunk in that she was dead serious. Her lover had called her a poorly spelt, Winnie the Pooh reference. For the record, she is neither hairy nor scary and isn't always sticking her hand in the honey pot. I am unsure as to whether he actually views her as the above description, but as previously mentioned, I am forced to believe that his use of this name is indicative of where he hopes to find himself in the near future (I’m sure she will be glad to hear of this).
Another term of endearment that never fails to cause peals of laughter to erupt from the caverns of my lungs is “cherry”. Here in South Africa, the term is commonly used among the Indian species to refer to girlfriends of all shapes and sizes. Considering the amount of red lipstick and blush plastered across many of the girls I have encountered, I am not surprised that they have been called such. However, whether they actually taste like a cherry is unclear. Next time I cross one such female I will remember to sink my teeth into her flesh and confirm whether she truly fits the description, or tastes of tacky perfume and cheap make up, as is their wont.
As the moon continues along its lazy journey across the starry sky I am forced to face the forbidden word: “baby”. A word so easily misplaced yet so obviously incorrect in its use. Why do we refer to people we adore as babies? Those squalling, red faced, snotty nosed and constantly defecating individuals could not possibly resemble our lovers! Well, perhaps some do fit the above description, but I’m pretty sure the vast majority of people upon this earth have seen fit to discipline any potential spouse who may fit this description (handcuffs and a whip is strongly recommended if all other conventional methods have failed). Yet this does not answer the question as to why this term is used. Babies are exceptionally unattractive during the foetal period which is the appropriate time in their life cycle to start referring to them as “the baby” and not “it”. This unfathomable conundrum is bound to keep me up many a night. Unless you have a fetish for babies, your beaux resembles a curly haired toddler or you have failed to adequately discipline the aforementioned partner; I see no logical explanation for the use of the word.
As both a side note and conclusion I would just like to say the following: I am not a bitter young lady who has no one to call her cute and pointless names nor am I into any BDSM despite the reference. also, despite the title of this post, I am not a belieber. I am simply passing the time with idle thinking and hopes of amusing some random passer-by.
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