Monday, 3 February 2014

Adam

She was doing that nervous habit of hers. Whenever she found herself in a particularly nerve-wrecking situation she would immediately start to click her nails together, the sound echoing through the deafening silence.

He smiled astutely to himself. Where once the sound grated at his nerves, it now sounded as a steady reminder of why they were meeting today. He studied her profile as she stood across from him. Her unruly waist length hair moved gently in the breeze with no semblance of order. Her dress, as always, fitted a little too tightly upon her chest but showed off her shapely figure just the way he loved it. Her face, though half covered by her mass of hair, displayed the obvious signs of distress. He knew that look well. She was afraid and most likely on the verge of tears and, judging by the fact that she was biting her lower lip, doing her very best to stifle a sob. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

“Come on Adam! Just get to the point of this meeting. You’re leaving, this is goodbye. Can we just hug and get it over with?”

She was the epitome of adorable when she was flustered. She had no real idea as to why we were actually meeting. She had made it clear – when I got that job I had applied for and would have to leave town she did not want to see me. She made it explicitly clear that she never wanted me to see her cry and yet I had defied her wishes and called her here today.

Our relationship was rocky at best. We had explored all possible avenues. We had been best of friends, lovers, even dated a little. When life took a turn for the worst for me, I found myself completely lost and confused and chose to end our relationship. We tried to stay away from each other, to let distance grow and have the relationship die out completely. However, just like the gravitational attraction between two objects, we found ourselves drawn back to each other. No matter how hard we tried to stay apart we ended up together. Now we stood as friends.

Friendship could not do justice for the depth of emotion I feel every time we speak. We are one and the same. If I were akin to the body she would be the soul that breathed life into me. We are in tune in every aspect of our beings. Not a second can go by without my mind straying to thoughts of her – be it her smile, fingers, moods or silly quirks. She consumes me.

“Anna… Don’t be so moody. It’s a glorious day and might I say I cannot for the life of me stop looking at your breasts.”

“Adam! Be serious here! I begged you not to call me up. You know I can’t say no to you. Please, can we just get this over with?”

“But Anna, where do I begin?”

“At the beginning would be a good idea?”

“The beginning of this life that I love starts from the moment we met. I know I haven’t been the best guy for you. I have hurt you, believe me I know. There were moments where I wanted to kick myself when I recalled the pain I inflicted upon you. Leaving you in the lurch like that, throwing aside my feelings and not considering yours when I went off to find myself. That was not fair on you. Yet you stuck through it all, you never abandoned me. Why are you so perfect Anna? I thought I would leave and this would be the end of it. One of us would go off and find another partner, get married, our friendship would fade… but when I think about that I feel a weight in my chest. I cannot breathe, Anna. Do you understand? The thought of going a second without you, the thought of you finding someone else, it tears me up. Anna I know I have not always been the best for you. I know you have to stay here for a few more years but I do not, for the life of me, want to leave this town knowing I will be leaving the only person who will ever love me the way you do.”

“Adam… I … what are you trying to say? I don’t understand.”

“Anna, all that I am asking is that you give us a try. We can do this. I love you and I know it has taken me far too long to realise this and I also know I hurt you plenty along the way to this realisation but Anna, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Please say yes. Please say you love me too. Please say you will make this relationship work long enough for us to be united forever.”

The nervous tick is back. Click click click. I can see a tear roll down her cheek. She is biting her lip even harder now. I can actually see the delicate skin begin to split. My heart is racing. I never thought I would find someone this amazing and now that I have I cannot stand the idea of losing her. Please say yes Anna. Please!

“Adam, I never took you for the kind of guy who speaks so openly about his emotions and now that you have I… I always have the right words to say and now all I can think about is how much I cannot stand to lose you. But this is all too fast. I need to think. I need to go Adam. I’m sorry.”

She turned to leave. Her pretty orange dress swirls in the breeze as she takes off in a hurry and I cannot help but think this is my fault. I hurt her far too many times with my uncertainties. I constantly pushed her away when all she wanted was to heal my many wounds.

I quietly dig around in my pocket for a lighter and as I blow the cigarette smoke into the air, I cannot help but think I have blown out the flame that was Anna. The flame that burnt so bright. Dimmed by the pain of the heart I broke.

1 comment:

  1. This post is definitely my all time favourite.

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