Uncertainty

“Once bitten twice as shy” this saying rings so true in the back of one’s mind when faced with a new conundrum which could possibly have severely devastating effects on your already fragile mental state. Fear, uncertainty, it all clouds your judgement until you can barely see through the thick smoke of your life thrown up in flames.

That is IF you allow your life to go down that road. Uncertainty is normal to an extent, especially if you have been through recent pain or trauma. The body’s natural compensatory mechanism will involve:

1.       An elevated heart rate

2.       Rapid breathing

3.       Dry mouth

4.       Constricted pupils and

5.       The feeling of ever looming disaster in the pit of the abdomen

Sympathetic discharge aside, uncertainty about the direction you are going in can eat you up from the inside out. Fear is a living, palpable emotion bred purely on uncertainty. It gnaws at your innards and leaves much to be desired. When fear goes unchecked we let it fuel our ideas and decisions. The end result you may ask? Disaster, obviously!

So I guess it would be simpler not to find yourself in a situation which would encourage the development of such emotions. However, that is impossible. Eventually we have to open ourselves up to the idea of letting other people in. We need to move on from the past and embrace a future of apparent happiness and so we are forced to deal with these emotions at some point.

Somehow it seems easier to put the emotions at the back of your mind. Choosing to ignore socially acceptable labels and understandings of relationships, it is easier to just say ‘it is what it is’ and forget the fact that you could end up falling real hard and possibly flat on your face.

It is scary when you sit back and realise that the possibility that you could fall for someone is real and tangible. I guess what scares you more is the past and the scars that you have accumulated up until that point. Sometimes, you come across a person who makes all the scars worth it. You realise that it was worth the wait and the pain. The reality though is that most times you are so unsure of the end result that you would rather back off than add on to the scar tissue slowly replacing your internal organs. Uncertainty kicks in and you realise that if you back off you could be giving up on something worthwhile and lasting. Finding oneself in a limbo of sorts seems about right: in between friendship and labels and too afraid to put in the required effort to choose one or the other.

Life seems a lot easier when you just remain in limbo, an indeterminate state. That way, should things go south you won’t exactly be heartbroken as you would have sort of expected such an outcome. Should you however allow yourself to feel something beyond the confines of the limbo; well… you will just end up with a truck full of uncertainty and fear and no idea how to deal with it.

Though it does help to know you aren't alone in your fears. That way at least you can rest assured that should things go whichever way; the other person would likely understand how it came to pass. It would really suck if the other person didn't follow the same direction you did though.  It would help if your emotions were in sync but life seldom works that way.

So simply hold on to the hope that you can unravel the conundrum dancing mesmerizingly before your eyes and not let the uncertainty set fire to the life you have painstakingly put back together.